Keep Choosing Joy: Brene Brown, Yoga, and Gratitude

I like to read, a lot. A few years ago I challenged myself to read 52 books a year, or roughly, one a week. I have yet to accomplish this goal, but I get closer and closer each time I try. More rewarding than the actual finish line has been the learning and connections that have happened along the way. Aside from classroom reading, I had always been a serial reader – reading one book at a time.  As I sprint toward 52 books though I find myself often reading several books at a time.

I juggled Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly and The Women’s Health Big Book of Yoga by Katherine Budig. There is something magical that happens when reading two seemingly different books at the same time, a sort of chemical reaction happens. While I’m reading about chanting and bending and breathing in one book, I find myself connecting it to the shame, vulnerability, and research in the other.

“We can’t let ourselves be seen if we’re terrified by what people think…We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What really matters is the part we chose to act on.” (Brown, 61)

I love the truth in these statements. It is so easy to hide behind a shell or mask, hiding our imperfections and ignoring the reality that we are imperfect and human. And it’s so easy to shy away from new things as well, for fear of failure or baring our imperfections. I have found yoga to be a beautiful foil for this anxiety and pressure to be or to seem perfect. Yoga calls itself a practice and embraces the body, mind, and soul as perfect in its imperfections. Brene Brown offers us the same reference for joy —

“I want you to know joy, so together we will practice gratitude. I want you to feel joy, so together we will learn how to be vulnerable.” (244)

keep choosing joy

keep choosing joy

As I continue to practice cultivating joy, I was especially inspired by this section of the book. I have been writing down things I’m thankful for and reflecting through journaling and blog posts, and being more intentional about experiencing joy in my life. I had no idea that I would need to practice being vulnerable to truly know joy.

“Joy is probably the most difficult emotion is really feel. When we lose the ability or willingness to be vulnerable, joy becomes something we approach with deep foreboding…We’re trying to beat vulnerability to the punch. We don’t want to be blindsided by hurt. We don’t want to be caught off-guard, so we literally practice being devastated.” (118-121)

My initial reaction to these quotes? Go figure…. I chose an intention that is apparently the most difficult emotion to feel. This is so truthful though and what she says in the chapters surrounding this really resonated for me. I’m certainly guilty of bracing for the worst and hoping for the best. It’s so difficult to get your hopes up, only to have them dashed later. The difference in what Brene is saying (I feel like we’re on a first name basis after the emotional roller coaster she put me through) is that it can be difficult to take risks, try the unexpected, and leap without knowing what’s on the other side , but we will never fully experience joy if we don’t let ourselves stand on the precipice of vulnerability.

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Not one word, but a whole lot of them.

‘Tis the season for resolutions.

I’ve chosen one word resolutions the last few years, a single word to guide and ground myself. And while I hope to still move, celebrate, cultivate joy, and dare, I’m not certain I want to set this same kind of intention for 2015. I considered all things light, shiny, glittery, magical, and illuminating. I think the idea is close, but maybe not exactly where I want to be.

So here’s this instead… A lot of words, a manifesto of sorts.

This year?

I will live to the edge, filling in all of the empty spaces, basking in and acknowledging the fullness of it all.

I will love and cherish myself as a whole person, not waiting for some accolade, accomplishment, or milestone before conceding that I am, indeed, enough.

I will surround myself with people who know me and love me, especially at my darkest. And I will seek out new relationships with people who inspire and excite me.

I will revel in laziness, soaking up every delicious hour of Netflix and every page I read.

I will not merely take from this world, I will contribute. I will use my gifts to serve, love, lead, and teach in ways that are both meaningful and necessary.

I will use and respect my body, celebrating it’s strength and softness, speed and stability. I will fill it with food and drink that satisfy me. (This will probably include a lot of wine and coffee).

I will delight in sunrises and settle in with sunsets. I will let the rain and the sea cleanse and calm me.

I will give my love away and let others fill me back up, but I will fall deeper in love with myself than ever.

I will get lost and I will make mistakes. I will find myself and learn to apologize. And to fail spectacularly.

Some days, I will sleep in and spend the day however I feel like it.

I will wear clothes that make me feel. Feel beautiful, strong, safe, silly, glamorous, something.

cheersI will live my life with the full glitter and color that it deserves.

Each day is a celebration, a daring adventure, a joy, and a call to move on and forward.

Cheers to new beginnings. 

How Greek Life Prepared Me for My Career

At 17 years old, I didn’t join a sorority to advance my career. Like many potential new members, I was looking for a quick way to make friends and see what all of the hype was about. For a week, sorority women told me about their commitment to community service, study tables, and showed us pictures of date parties and semi-formal dances. Honestly, I had no idea what I was committing to when I accepted an offer to join Delta Zeta, but I had met some women I liked and gave it a shot.

Fast-forward 10 years: I was invited back to my Alma Mater to speak to current students as part of a Greek Alumni Panel, chosen to represent the various organizations on campus to share how our fraternity and sorority membership prepared us for our careers. The experience reminded me of the popular quote many of us had on our door decorations and t-shirts:

“From the outside looking in, you can never understand it. From the inside looking out, you can never explain it.” 

And here we were, being asked to explain it.

Being a part of a Greek organization is definitely a unique opportunity, but I don’t believe that we can’t explain it. In fact, I think we are doing a disservice to our organizations when we say things like this. For a community that is so vibrant and claims to produce tremendous leaders, we ought to do our best to combat the prejudices and secrecy that often precedes us. And if it’s on your resume? Be prepared to talk about it.

Chants and Cheers aren’t just for Formal Recruitment. My first leadership position in the sorority was the Courtesy & Charm Chair, an appointed role responsible for sending birthday cards, thank you notes, and generally promoting goodwill on behalf of the organization. (More formally, it might be called a corresponding secretary.) And as cheesy and stereotypical as the title sounds, it was a great first leadership role for me.

As a supervisor, it is my job to support, celebrate, motivate, inspire, and communicate. When the people you work with feel valued, they value their work. I’m often looking for volunteers to help with tasks and there is no quicker way to turn people away than to undervalue their contributions. You can be sure that I send thank you notes, bake cookies, and do my best to appreciate and motivate the people around me.

Supervision is hard; supervising your friends serving in volunteer positions is really hard. Whether you are coordinating a silent auction, planning a social event, running an executive board meeting, or trying to enforce study table hours – working with your peers can be a true test of your patience. And while we join these organizations to promote sisterhood and friendship – you are never going to be best friends with every member of your organization. Spending this much time with people (often times living together) challenges your ability to compromise, work with different leadership styles, analyze the value of your work, and learn to  work as part of a team. Depending on your role in the organization, you also have the opportunity to learn Robert’s Rules of Order, craft an agenda, prepare reports, speaking confidently in front of a group, and run formal business meetings.

Sometimes it’s okay to talk to strangers. Whether at conferences, meetings, company picnics, or trade shows – we are often required to initiate and sustain conversations with strangers. Perhaps without realizing it, Recruitment trained us to build relationships and sell a product, idea, and experience to a diverse audience. While many students enter college determined to join a Greek organization, most need some education and convincing before they’re willing to commit.

Regardless of how formal your recruitment process was, how much money your chapter dedicated to it, and how silly you felt singing and clapping for hours – we learned a lot of valuable skills preparing for and participating in those events. Telling potential new members about our organizations is selling, whether it felt like it or not. For those who joined nationally recognized organizations, we are selling a brand that has existed for over 100 years. While it may not feel so formalized, we learn to talk about the long and short term benefits of membership, payment plans, and the competitive advantages our organization can offer.

It wasn’t until I started advising non-Greek student organizations that I realized just how good we are at this. Walking through the student union or an involvement fair, it’s clear that some groups don’t know how to sell themselves. Their table and marketing materials don’t have a clear identity or brand. Members aren’t sure how to initiate conversations with people who walk by, often doing homework or staring at their phones instead. And when someone does approach them? They aren’t sure what to do after they’ve sold the raffle ticket or offered given away the free pen.

Get your beer out of that picture. We were always careful not to drink in our sorority letters, lest our behavior reflect poorly on the organization. Facebook was invented when I was in college, and chapter social media policies quickly followed. You are always wearing your letters was our way of reminding ourselves that our behaviors reflected our organization, our sisters, and ourselves no matter if we had on a sorority shirt, or not.

This isn’t about covering up behaviors or pretending that we don’t like a glass of wine every now and then, but about understanding the way the pictures you share influence the perception others have of you. We giggle about it now, but we still put our beers down for group pictures when we get together. It’s not to say we can’t indulge ourselves, but that maybe every picture of it doesn’t need to end up on the internet.

Life Happens. As much as we try to plan and prepare, sometimes life just gets in the way. As Chapter President, my futon was often a landing pad for sisters in crisis. Sometimes it was a financial hardship that meant putting a payment plan in place or a box of tissues after a break up or loss of a loved one. These same things happen in our lives as professionals and can sideline us too. And as much as we want to make it to that meeting on time or put in a few extra hours to wrap up a project, our lives don’t always make it so easy. While I don’t have friends knocking on my door to cry on my couch nearly as often these days – it’s still important to have a support network to help you through the times when things get a little tougher than you can manage on your own.

Sundays are for long, slow, silly brunches. Not the Sex and the City kind of brunch where everyone is perfectly coiffed and drinking mimosas. In college, we spent most Sunday afternoons loitering in the dining hall wearing sweatpants, sharing stories, and avoiding our homework. Spending this kind of time together is what our sorority experience was all about. The relationships we built were the foundation for all of the leadership skills we learned. Recruiting people to join our organization wasn’t about selling our product or reaching a quota – it was about building relationships and sharing an experience that changed us.

Getting to know the people you work with (and for) may never be quite this intimate or vulnerable- but good business, service, and leadership starts with building relationships and strengthening trust.

You don’t need to join a Greek organization to get all of this. Wait, what? Isn’t that the point of the last 1000 words? It’s absolutely true. Fraternities and sororities provide a sort of One-Stop-Shop experience for students to pursue service, leadership, friendship, philanthropy, and academics. All of these elements can be found across a college campus- but you won’t find them all so nicely packaged anywhere else. And you won’t find the intimate friendships, international alumni network, and lifetime membership in quite the same way that these organizations offer.

Are you a fraternity or sorority member? How did your experience prepare you for your career? 

Beyond Work-Life Balance: Leaning In & Daring Greatly

For several months, I’ve had the pleasure of working with a team of outstanding women to prepare a session for the ACPA Indianapolis Convention. We have pulled together a combination of current literature and research to take the oh-so-common “Work Life Balance” conversation a few steps further.

ACPA Program: Beyond Work-Life Balance: Leaning In & Daring Greatly

Tuesday, April 1, 2014 1:30-2:30 PM EST — Indiana Convention Center, 238

As women in student affairs, we regularly challenge others to grow, to be comfortable with the unknown, and to be empowered to make tough decisions.  We continually practice empathy and vulnerability within our profession, but often struggle to practice those lessons with regard to our own professional growth.  Grounded in the work of Brené Brown (Daring Greatly) and Sheryl Sandberg (Lean In), participants will identify and develop steps to address congruence and dissonance between the authentic self and professional identity.

Women have made strides in education, outnumbering men in college enrollment for more than 30 years – and yet – women still hold only 45 percent of tenure-track faculty positions and 31 percent of tenure positions (Branch-Brioso, 2009). Administratively, women hold just 23 percent of college and university presidencies (Branch-Brioso, 2009). Knowledge, skills, and reflection on leadership development is needed for women who aspire to leadership roles, and men and women who can sponsor and mentor them. While all women may not aspire to the presidency or to be a Senior Student Affairs Officer, the ability to create and implement a professional development plan, goals, and a support network are critical for all women in higher education.

 Presentation Team

Becca Obergefell, Ohio Dominican University, Kelley Stier, Purdue University, Melissa Robertson, Purdue University, Valerie Heruska, Indiana University (from l-r)

Melissa, Val, Kelley, and Becca have each read the related literature, participated in small group discussions, and/or facilitated book clubs discussions relating the texts to Higher Education. Additionally, each has presented at a regional or national conference(s) on women’s leadership and/or using technology to develop mentoring and support networks for women in higher education.


Follow the conversation around this presentation with #ACPADare on Twitter from wherever you are. Get general program updates from Twitter: follow @ACPAConvention, visit or download Guidebook, the conference app. Follow all convention conversations on Twitter using the hashtag #acpa14

Further Reading

Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead, Brene Brown, Ph.D., LMSW Brown is a world-renowned Social Work professor who researches shame and vulnerability. Her extensive research and practice come together in this book, exploring the way authenticity, perfectionism, resiliency, and gratitude can help and hinder our desire and ability to cultivate meaningful work.

Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead, Sheryl Sandberg Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg combines anecdotes, research, and powerful data to paint a portrait of women in the workforce, and the lack of women in leadership roles across multiple industries. Her work challenges the myth of “Having it All” and accepting a standard model of Work-Life-Balance. In exposing these myths, Sandberg opens up a dialogue for women on career development, sponsorship, and self-advocacy.

Branch-Brioso, K. (2009). Keeping pace, but not catching up. Diverse: Issues in Higher Education, 26(2), 14-16.

Madsen, S. R. (2007). Learning to lead in higher education: Insights into the family backgrounds of women university presidents. Journal of Women in Educational Leadership, 5(3), 183-200.

How to Live-Tweet an Event

Live-tweeting happens all the time – from major award shows, tv shows, product launches, and press conferences. It’s also a great way to share new ideas and take notes at a conference. As with any new adventure, I learned things along the way through lots of practice. For anyone who is thinking about live-tweeting their first event, or doing a better job next time, here are my suggestions.

  1. Give Credit – When you are tweeting another person’s words, give them credit. Use quotation marks or something else to show attribution. The best way to do this on twitter is to include their Twitter handle in your tweet. This lets others connect easily with the speaker, honors their words, and lets the presenter see how their message was heard. This can be difficult to do in 140 characters, but make it a point to honor this as often as possible. To make this easier, look up the Twitter Handles of conference headliners in advance.
  2. Give Context – Your message should make sense to people in the room and people following the backchannel. A great quote can stand on it’s own, but taken out of context, a lot of live-tweeted lines just don’t make sense. One of the reasons people live-tweet an event is to share the content – do your best to think about how your tweet would read to someone without access to a live-stream of the event. Including pictures of slides can add a lot of content and context quickly.
  3. Listen – It can be tempting to tweet every inspirational thing a keynote speaker says. Listen carefully to get your quotes as accurate as possible. Beware, these are the same things everyone else is going to be tweeting – let someone else say it and Retweet it if you want to add your own emphasis. Having a column set up in TweetDeck or Hootsuite (or any other social media management system) of the event hashtag will give you an idea of what everyone else in the room is saying.
  4. Know the Hashtag – If you’re tweeting #Event2014 instead of #Event14? People following you will still see your messages, of course, but you won’t be contributing to the conversation.
  5. Take Notes – Live-Tweeting is for you and your followers. It’s a great way to take notes that you can reference later. Like any notes taken at a conference though, it’s easy to forget to come back to them. Storify is a great way to compile your thoughts (and those of others too), include links, tweets, pictures, and commentary after an event. Here’s an example of how I used it for the 2013 Women’s Leadership Institute. 
  6. Bring Power – Pick a device you’re comfortable typing quickly on and can support your constant usage. For me, this is usually an iPad. Laptops make typing easier and faster, but I find they’re also larger and clunkier to handle – especially if there isn’t a table during the presentation. Whichever device(s) you choose, bring an extra battery, power cord, and/or power strip. Bonus: Power strips are a great way to meet new people at a conference. A power strip clusters 5 or 6 people together while their devices charge – and you’re the hero!
  7. Be Honest - but resist the urge to bully, complain, and heckle. This happens a lot during award shows; it’s easy to make fun of Jennifer Lawrence for tripping (again) and Miley Cyrus for whatever she’s done this time. Disagree vehemently with points the speaker makes, but give him a break if his tie is too short or you don’t like her dress.
  8. Be Considerate - To many people, you’re going to look like some punk who is texting during the whole presentation. Having your screen lit up and your head down for an hour can definitely look rude. I try to find a seat in the front corner of the room or the very back to deflect some of this. The front row also makes taking pictures of the presenter and his/her screens easier too.
  9. Add Value - Don’t try to tweet a play-by-play of the entire conference or keynote; you will exhaust yourself and your followers. Listen for things that are useful, provocative, and interesting. Include links, videos, and pictures when a speaker mentions them (a laptop makes this one much easier). If you see others have already tweeted something, retweet it and give your fingers a rest.
  10. Connect - Remember the social part of social media. You already have something in common with everyone in the room and even more with those who have their heads buried in their screens. Follow these people on Twitter, or maybe to the nearest outlet or Starbucks line and introduce yourself. Take this opportunity to take your connections beyond 140 characters and get to know people.  Don’t be surprised if they ask if you’re that girl from Twitter.

BONUS: Check your spelling. Watching your errors get retweeted stinks.

What else would you add to this list? Connect with me on Twitter @Becca_Fick

Maximize Your Break: 5 Reflection Questions

We all have busy seasons at work and we’re flooded with meetings, appointments, interruptions, and reports to deal with. We’re also usually gifted a week of respite here and there. For me, those weeks are Spring Break, Winter Break, and most of the summer. I tend to use this time to dive deep on projects and tasks that require a lot of focus. As much as I enjoy working with people – I also know that these uninterrupted blocks of time are a gift for doing some of my most thought-intensive projects.

It’s also a great time to stop and reflect on our lives, our jobs, and our happiness. I’ve borrowed some questions from a HuffPost article (5 Killer Life Coach Questions You Can Ask Yourself) and added some of my own thoughts and resources to the mix.

How happy am I overall, today, out of 10? 

Let’s start off easy. On a scale of 1-10, how happy are you today? What can you do to bump that number up by 1?  If you haven’t already take it, check out Gallup’s Wellbeing Finder and the accompanying book, Well-Being: the 5 Essential ElementsThe wellbeing finder assesses your wellness in 5 areas: Career, Social, Financial, Physical, and Community. After taking the initial assessment, you’re prompted to retake it periodically to track your progress over time. It’s a great way to set goals for yourself and suggests ways to improve your well-being in each area.

Wellbeing book cover

Well Being: The Five Essential Elements

Fore more inspiration, check out Ann Marie Klotz’s Wellbeing series of guest posts on each of the 5 elements.

What type of life do I want to lead?

In the context of your work – what kind of a team do you want to lead or be a part of? How does the life you lead with your family and friends fit with the work you do? What changes can you make to move more seamlessly between these realms? When people talk about your leadership or life – what do want them to say about you?

What does success look like to me?

Is it being promoted to a mid-level position? Acceptance into a PhD program? Submitting an article or program proposal? Showing up to work on time? Success looks very different for all of us. Start by envisioning your success and developing a road map to get there, one small step at a time.

What brings me joy?

I spent last year searching for and celebrating joy in my life. While you may not dedicate a year to it, spending your morning coffee time thinking about it is absolutely worth it. Maybe it’s wrestling around with a new puppy, or savoring the last few pages of a good novel.

What can I do in the next 2 weeks to bring more joy, passion, and purpose to my life? 

Think about the last time you stopped worrying about your inbox and felt fully present in your life. What can you do to make time for more of those moments in your life? What mindless, meaningless task can you replace with something purposeful? Maybe it’s reading a devotional first thing in the morning instead of scrolling through Facebook. Or catching up on your DVR/Netflix cue while doing laundry or running on the treadmill.

What question(s) are you going to reflect on this week? What answers have you found?


Video Book Review: Women’s Leadership & Empowerment

In honor of Women’s History Month and International Women’s Day, my first video book review includes three of my favorite books on the subject. The review includes Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In, Gail Evans’ Play Like a Man, Win Like a Womanand Brene Brown’s I Thought it Was Just Me (but it isn’t)These three books have challenged me to think about my place in the world, how I work, communicate, live, and play.

Recording this video was difficult for me. Not for a lack of technology, time, or interest – but out of fear. I had planned to start the Becca’s Bookshelf* series in January, but sometime’s life has other plans. As Brene Brown writes in Daring Greatly, 

“To put our art, our writing, our photography, our ideas into the world with no assurance of acceptance, or appreciation – that’s (also) vulnerability…We love seeing raw truth and openness in other people, but we’re afraid to let them see it in us. We’re afraid that our truth isn’t enough – that what we have to offer isn’t enough without the bells and whistles, without editing, and impressing.”

And so I give you this first video without the bells and whistles, without editing, and without impressing. This is the first and only take of the video, complete with glimpses of my notes on the back of the book, ums, and slightly awkward pauses. I will get better at this as I go, but for now I’m going to at least start putting my thoughts out more boldly into the universe. Enjoy.

For more reading recommendations, see my full book list from the Women’s Leadership Institute: Smart Women Read Books.

*I’m not entirely committed to calling it From Becca’s Bookshelf. Let me know what clever title you come up with. The wining name will receive a prize!

What do you think of these books? What three books would be on your short list for women’s leadership?

This entry was posted in reading.

Book Review: Miki Agrawal’s Do Cool Sh*t

I picked this book up in the new arrivals section of my local library – the one that only lets you keep a book for two weeks. I didn’t get around to reading it right away, but finished it in two sittings once I finally did. Miki Agrawal’s Do Cool Sh*t promises to teach you how to Quit Your Day Job, Start Your Own Business & Live Happily Ever After. Whether you’re looking to actually quit your day job or just spend more time doing something you enjoy – there is a mix of motivating moments and reflection questions to start you on your way. 

I tweeted some of my favorite passages as I read and gathered them all in a Storify story. I’ve chosen some of my favorites to use in this post, but the full list is worth referencing.

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And last, this book will remind you that you have a backbone and that you are inherently strong. It will remind you that it’s cool to care and be excited about an idea, it’s cool to be proactive, it’s cool to mess up, it’s cool to work your ass off on something that is meaningful to you, and it’s cool to keep trying when the odds are stacked against you.

If you only take away one thing from reading this book though – let it be this:

No matter how good your ideas are, your success is not really about you.

Every piece of advice I took away from this book centered around building and cultivating relationships. Do you have to be bold and committed to your project? Absolutely, but your success does not happen in a vacuum. And you don’t just succeed because you want to.

Return on community, How will your idea have a direct impact on your community?

Return on community, How will your idea have a direct impact on your community?

We’re all familiar with the concept of Return on Investment (ROI) – but Miki introduces the idea of Return on Community (ROC). It’s a term she picked up from her friend and business partner Tony Hsieh, CEO of Zappos. President Clinton calls this idea “doing good and doing well.” Others call it Social Entrepreneurship.

You will get more from your community if you seek to help others before trying to get others to help you.

You will get more from your community if you seek to help others before trying to get others to help you.

I used to keep a quote like this on my vanity mirror as a teenager. It read, “You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.” Wise words from Dale Carnegie (I had no idea who that was when I was 13, I just knew I wanted to make more friends). People are going to help people they like and people they trust – spend time building these relationships and offering your own help first.

And when you do ask them?

If you give people the opportunity to be an expert, prepare to be delightfully surprised.

If you give people the opportunity to be an expert, prepare to be delightfully surprised.

And….when they delight and surprise you?

Recognize your peers when they do cool shit. They will want to keep doing it.

Recognize your peers when they do cool shit. They will want to keep doing it.

When she talks about community and ROC she doesn’t ever mention Social Media. I love this. Miki builds community by hand delivering invitations to her new restaurant to her neighbors, journalists, food critics, fitness instructors, and friends. She invested serious sweat equity into her farm to table pizza restaurant WILD (originally called SLICE). She doesn’t tell you how to GET MORE FOLLOWERS NOW! Or how to maximize your Search Engine Optimization. She tells you about how she created press kits, strapped them to her bicycle, and rode around NYC dropping them off anywhere she could get in the door.

Although she mentions websites like Kickstarter, she gathered people for dinner parties to pitch her ideas. She met them for coffee. She got certified as a cycling instructor so she could host pizza tastings at local gyms (don’t worry, they are healthy pizzas). She put herself out in her community and built relationships.

Speaking of local gyms? I lost interest in a few of the chapters near the end. The chapters on physical fitness and finding love just felt out of place with the rest of the book. They seemed to be included to fulfill the last part of her tagline – & live happily ever after. I’m sure others may find value in them, but if you’re picking this book up to learn about entrepreneurship you can skip over them. She starts mentioning her website ( pretty frequently toward the end too.

Feel free to gloss over her ivy-league education and powerful circle of friends too. Her parents worked hard (and so has she) to afford some of the opportunities – but they are unrealistic for many readers lacking access to NYC and friends at MTV studios.

Overall I give the book 3/5 stars. If you only read the 150 pages it’s closer to 4 stars.

If you had the freedom to quit your day job tomorrow, what would you do instead? 

This entry was posted in reading.

Stop Ranting and Start Creating

Sometimes we don’t get what we want – in life, in love, in our work – and we have to stop and decide how we are going to respond. It’s okay to be disappointed, hurt, frustrated, devastated, angry (and a host of other emotions) when these things happen to us. To a point.

And then we have to decide what we are going to do next. I’m not interested in wallowing, complaining, or negativity. The internet and all of its social media outlets have normalized public processing venting; it’s easy to shoot off a passive aggressive Facebook status or a few ranting tweets.

A panelist at OCPA last week said “It’s ok to not get a job you want. It’s an opportunity to reflect and show what kind of a professional you are.” She carried this theme through a lot of answers – sometimes you get what you want, other times someone else gets it. The only thing you have control over at this point is yourself and your response to the situation. Are you going to be the candidate who complains? Bad mouths the institution? Scales back your involvement in a professional organization? Or are you going to gather yourself and figure out your plan B?

It isn’t what we say or think that defines us, but what we do. – Jane Austen

So your conference proposal didn’t get accepted? Your article didn’t get published? Publish it yourself. It’s never been easier. Social Media is so much more than a sounding board – it’s the ultimate self-publishing platform. If you are so committed to something that you are willing to invest this much emotion in it – find a way to share it.

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The difference between a dreamer and a doer is the amount of action that follows their vision. – Fabienne Fredrickson

Want to write a book? Check out Matt Bloomingdale and Amma Marfo’s Thoughts Self-Publishing for Beginners. Want to share a presentation – but don’t have a conference? Learn the 9 Simple Things Great Speakers Always Do. Upload an Ignite or Ted style talks to Youtube. Want to teach people how to use technology? Use Jing to create a video tutorial with photos and videso from your screen. Post your presentations to Slideshare. Record a video to share tips and tricks you’ve picked up. Create an infographic of your research. Gather a few colleagues or friends and have a Google+ Hangout to discuss something. Submit a post to the Student Affairs CollectiveStudent Affairs Feature, Women in Student Affairs, or Student Affairs Fitness.

So you got rejected? Revise your proposal (or resume, or presentation, or whatever it is), ask for feedback from trusted mentors and colleagues, find a different platform, learn from those who were accepted. Make a plan B.

As my dad (and The Rolling Stones) liked to reminded me as a teenager, “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.”

One Word Resolution: Dare

Choosing my One Word resolution for 2014 wasn’t easy this year and in fact, I feel like I chose it on a whim. Though this is the fourth year I’ve chose a resolution like this (see also…Move, Celebrate, Joy) and I’ve given plenty of advice on How to Choose your One Word Resolution, and yet, I feel shakier than ever in my word choice. This year, I’ve chosen to Dare. 

Starting a blog post exposing my uncertainty and anxiety doesn’t feel daring, but I suppose that’s the point. The planner in me is floundering right now. An important part of learning to dare is acknowledging that I am starting the year in a place of discomfort. I look back at Joy and think it would be an easiest resolution in the world right now. This, of course, overlooks the fact that I’ve spent the last 12 months mindfully living this word.

Daring means accepting challenges and facing them head on when they appear. It means sometimes choosing courage over comfort, stepping away from reactions and fears I have learned to trust. It means wearing red lipstick, trying new things, hitting the publish button, and letting adventures happen.

I’m planning to reread Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly again this year as a part of my resolution. This books (and all of her books really) have profoundly changed my life and the way I think about myself. Her research focuses primarily on shame and vulnerability and the way they show up in our lives. If you don’t have time to read a book, or want something to smaller to learn more about her work – check out her TED Talk. And if I’m going to dream big this year, I am going to do what I can to find a way to meet her when she keynotes at the ACPA Convention this year.

While I’m at ACPA, I’m also going to give my first Pecha Kucha talk (20 slides, 20 seconds, 6 minutes and 40 seconds of passton-fueled presenting). I’ve committed to creating video book reviews this year and have plans to run 750 miles, publish a book, learn to sew, finally read 52 books in 52 weeks (4th attempt!), and to submit some of my writing for publication.

The Daring Interview Series: Meet Elizabeth Gilbert - Brené Brown

“I live a creative life, and you can’t be creative without being vulnerable. I believe that Creativity and Fear are basically conjoined twins; they share all the same major organs, and cannot be separated, one from the other, without killing them both. And you don’t want to murder creativity to just to destroy Fear! You must accept that Creativity cannot walk even one step forward except by marching side-by-side with its attached sibling of Fear.” – Elizabeth Gilbert

That’s the thing about daring though – I have a feeling 2014 is going to look at my plans, frown and say “ok”, and then push me to think bigger, bolder, or about something else entirely. I’m nervous and excited to see where this year takes me and to wonders the universe is going to unveil.

So here goes… something! Here’s to Daring in 2014, living boldly, acting with conviction, exploring the unknown, making mistakes, failing spectacularly, and celebrating every step of the process.

What is your One Word Resolution? How are you going to Dare this year?